By: Debbie Moore-Black, RN

I never have a problem going to sleep. In fact, after I work night shift, I easily go into a “semi-coma”.
But tonight is different. 2 days off from work, with a regular sleep schedule at night, but my mind is twirling.

I can’t sleep.

So at 0300, I took a shower. Took an ibuprofen with some ginger ale….. and I started to drift….. back to Catholic elementary school. We were 7th graders. I was in a group that did a “hip” musical mass with us kids playing drums, guitars and cymbals and tambourines.

We were cool.
I wanted to play the Beatles song “Let it be”.
“Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, Let it be”
I thought the song was about the Mother Mary, you know, Jesus’ mother. It was actually about Paul McCartney’s mother, Mary. A tribute to her.
But the kids voted me down. They said the song was sacrilegious. And I never got to play it at the guitar mass.

Fast forward…. when my kids were little, we joined a Presbyterian Church. I taught 3rd and 4th graders bible school on Wednesday nights. I loved it. We had decided to put a concert on with music and skits for our congregation and for the public. All donations would go to a local Soup kitchen.

Since I was the director/producer of this awesome show, I got to pick and choose. Of course the children had a say so of what they wanted too.
So with cymbals and guitars and drums and tambourines in hand, we put on the grandest show. “This little light of mine”, “Kumbaya, my Lord”, “I can only imagine”, and other social awareness skits were played out.
And now it was my turn.
I propped myself on the stool. My cherished guitar in hand, and strummed out the song I was forbidden to play 30 years ago.
Let it be.
Tonight, my memories of such an awesome, meaningful event came back to me.

We are living in a harsh, sad and tragic world filled with turmoil. But the words are profound and comforting.
“When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, Let it be, let it be”.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, Let it be. 🎶

We collected over $200 that night and handed it over to the minister in charge of the soup kitchen.
That was a special night. I hope I taught my 3rd and 4th graders something special. Like caring for one another. Love one another. Respect each other.

We sure could use this today. And always.
So I’m going to attempt to go to sleep again, and hope for a better tomorrow. A kinder tomorrow.
There will be an answer.
Let it be.

(The Beatles: Let it be)

By: Debbie Moore-Black, RN

I had to earn my “stripes” in ICU. After I graduated from nursing school, the “big” hospitals wouldn’t take me in to work ICU, as I had no experience as an ICU nurse. Back in the early 1980’s, there was no such thing as an internship program.

I desperately wanted to become an ICU nurse. So a small town county hospital took me in. It was a 6 bed “ICU” and I slowly learned the basics of ICU nursing. The county hospital sent me on a 60 hour hemodynamics class, which opened up my eyes even more! After one year at this hospital, I was ready to spread my wings.

I applied to the big hospital, big city ICU. And they took me in. Orientation was 4 weeks.
16 beds. Ventilator’s, EKG monitors, nurses in light blue scrubs, code blue’s, computers … I was in awe. THIS was the big times. I had entered paradise!!

Eventually I worked and assisted physicians and respiratory therapists in intubating patients, inserting central lines, swan ganz (PA line) monitoring, learning about PCWP and fluid overload and deadly arrhythmias.
But there was one ICU nurse who I instinctively knew I must gravitate towards.

Carolyn. She had a “glow” about her. She had wisdom and knowledge. She was calm but a strong force. She was kind but direct. She explained arrhythmias and irregular EKGs to me. But she taught me with kindness and patience. She was never condescending. Never a bully. Never a “know it all.”
She challenged upper management and physicians for the sake of our patients and for the sake of us fellow nurses.
I knew that “when I grew up” I wanted to be just like her…. if possible.
I adored Carolyn. I loved her dry wit, her intelligence, her spunk.
She gladly took us young ones under her wing.
When she clocked out, she had a whole other life. A loving wife and mother to several children, she was the neighborhood mom too.
I’ll never understand how she had so much energy. Her plate was full.
She did finally retire and consumed her time with her family and her grand babies she adored.

Sadly, we received the news the other day. Her husband tried to wake her up. She was unresponsive. Medics rushed her into the Emergency Department. She coded several times. She never made it to the ICU. This time as a patient.

There are frequent tears in my eyes. Even writing this. She was the epitome of an ICU nurse. Her intelligence surpassed many. But she was the quiet storm in a chaotic ICU.
Though Carolyn had a heart of gold, her physical heart had taken its toll.
You will always be my hero. My shining star.
Sing with the angels Carolyn, because you were certainly an angel here on earth.

(*Fictitious name used)