By: Debbie Moore-Black, RN
Denial. That perfect defense mechanism.
I know it well. You convince yourself that all is well. And then you convince others…
That you have that perfect marriage.
That you have a terminal disease but you’re the exception because it certainly can’t happen to you.
That you’re in poor health with mysterious aches and pains but you don’t go to your physicians because you pray to Jesus to take your pain away. To cure you of whatever.
Denial.
I was a work horse. Three children to feed and clothe and always wanting the best for them while their father, highly educated but willing to work for minimum wage, while his wife (me) worked 60 hours a week night shift as an ICU nurse.
But he was a “great” father.
And I was great also at pretending that all was well, while frequently being gaslit, disregarded, disrespected and trapped in a verbally abusive marriage…. But it all looked great with the photos we took and presented eventually on social media. the awareness of realizing he had multiple infidelities one after the other.
The realization that I would live my life through my children while sadly knowing that I had a miserable marriage.
Denial. His cancer. Pancreas, liver, lungs, lymph nodes. His surgeon and oncologist promoting his denial…. “You’ll live another 6 years”..: and my husband saying “Do everything” while I drove him to the oncologists, the surgeons, the chemo, the palliative care, the therapists, all along working nightshift and overtime.
Denial. Every day was a new ache. and pain. Her back, her bones, her chest, her unusual edema in her neck and hands and feet.
Every day. On social media. Not being proactive. Not going to her physician, but requesting her friends to pray for her. Waiting for that miracle from Jesus.
That miracle that never happened.
Denial. The nurse. Who comes in late to work. Disheveled with bruises up and down her arms. I ran into the walls. I fell. It’s not him. It’s me. I’m clumsy. Verbal abuse from her husband easily escalating to physical abuse.
And the list is endless. And so is denial.
It is not until you come to admit the truth first to yourself and then to others.
Denial is your protection in dealing with the truth.
It involves ignoring the reality of a situation to avoid anxiety. To avoid anger. To avoid the truth.
To protect yourself from the consequences of reality.
With therapy from a licensed therapist, you can come to grips with the truth. With chipping away at denial. And being honest with yourself and your situation.
They say “the truth will set you free.”
Set yourself free. You deserve to live in truth.